It’s first love… Like the last one

20th November 2017

Dear Shooting Star,

I think that I know who you are. I avoided mentioning your name in my book but I finally found you. Here is a poem, dedicated to you.

Never did I ever feel like this before
When she walked with me for the first time by the shore
My heart felt like pounding stones
She is the streetlight that will walk me home
She is truly mine, tonight.

She is the lead in my dances
The grace in my prances
Bright like the sunshine
A friend, a companion, a family
She is truly mine, tonight.

She is the freckles in my smile
She glistens in my eye
For our love was spontaneous and juvenile
As a newly hatched butterfly
She touches me and I just know
She is truly mine, tonight.

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I DO NOT CARE

A little look here and a little look there

If I see that no one is around

I’ll shout really loud

That I DO NOT CARE.

You light a ciggy or get drunk

Smoke pot or inhale drugs

I cared enough till now but now I do not care.

Lemme quickly flip to the last page of notebook and tear those pages

Where I once cared about you

Quickly rip apart the memories of you

Because your choices make me cringe.

Enough said, I’ll grab some popcorn,put on some movies and binge

And tell all the people

THAT I DO NOT CARE.

Hopeless

Dance, dance, will you dance by me?
The day we last meet baby
Hand in hand
Those cold hands of yours
In trembling hands of mine
Because I am hopelessly in love with you
I can’t see anything beyond you

Drunk, drunk I got drunk in the clubs
Hoping to find the right girl
Ecstacy reached the top but left a hole
Those casual flings never gave me the feeling
That a simple call from you did
Because I am hopelessly in love with you
I can’t see anything beyond you.

Waited, waited, I waited for so long
Was your taste that bad or my life that sad
Did you not know where you belonged?
You left me sauntering instead
Singing the same old song
Because I am hopelessly in love with you
I can’t see anything beyond you.

Milne ki Tamanna

Na jaane fir kab milenge ab hum
Yun hi bheed me kabhi haath takrayenge
Ya baarish me train ki khidki se dekhunga tumhe
Tum kabhi aangan me hogi
Aur meri kati patang takraayegi tumse
Ya koi chor tumhara purse lekar bhagega
Mai uske 2-4 ghuse dhanunga
Aur tumhare saamne hero banunga
Ya shayad aise ki coffee peete hue tumhare muh se jhaag hataunga
Ya zada filmy na rakhte hue hi soche
To SMS bhi to kar hi sakta hu tumhe
Tumhari college wali gali me bhi to mil sakti ho
Wahi pehle ki tarah chutkulon par khil sakti ho
Tum wo sab ho jo paane ki hasrat thi kabhi
Tumhare saath TV dekhte hue hi zindagi nikal jaaye to asli zindagi hai wahi
Mai fir waise hi baal savaarunga tumhare
Aur tum bhi har roz savere chaai pilaogi mujhe
Jab ek roz hum fir nashe me honge aur raat nikal jayegi
Tumhare muh se fir koi raaz, koi ajeeb si baat nikal jayegi
Mai fir tumhe arso tak chidhata rahunga
Aur aangan ki kati patang aise hi udata rahunga
Yaad karunga us roz ko jab tumse pehli baar himmat kar baat kari thi
Jab mera aasmaan kuch kam neela,
Ghaas kuch kam hari thi
Yun hi haste khelte budhaape ko paa lenge
Aur apne poton ke liye “modern dada dadi ki kahaaniyan” banaa lenge
Fir jab haspataal ke bistar par mai, mere bagal me tum hogi
Ek aakhri baar tumse mulakaat hogi
Dil to dono ka aakhri baar dhadkega
Par dhadkan antim saas tak ek hogi

Craving expectations by a futile letter to her v2.0

Because first letter is a love letter
And it contained all lovable things about you
But this v2.0 has the mistakes of us
In the silence of words, dedicated to you

One day when I woke up
I felt I am missing her
This is not right
My mind ushered
After everything that happened
After all that took place
I just needed some time
I could do well with some space
But everywhere I go
No matter where I breathe
Just keep thinking of this stupid thought
Of you and me
Why did you have to become a part of me if you couldn’t be a part of me?
Last night when fireflies lit up my dark room
When claws of being aloof entangled me
To my inevitable doom
Depression swallowed me from the inside
When you found someone new
Left me confused with my malarkist-blabbering mind
And I was stupid to have loved you
You said you loved reading minds
Then how come you never got to read mine
You never understood who understood you better
You never cared for the one who cared for you better
And guessed the scale of my love
I kept playing nice guy when you were around
Your level of numbness shook my grounds
You came in my life like a lighting thunder
The way you electrified the birds of my desires
We would have been together like sweat and skin
Inscribed perfectly but invisible
But when I touched the vulnerabilities,you perspired
If you really really wanna know more about “ourself”?
I’ll show you the last pages of my notebooks
Sad life of my trimmer which gave me those atrocious looks(according to you)
I never used it more than twice a month though
I only asked for a chance
Is that too much to ask for?
Or are you too clairvoyant
That things were not even worth trying for?
All those ditched lectures, hangouts, movies, chocolates, what was it for?

So, if one day when you wake up
And you feel that you miss me
Don’t regret your decisions
You don’t deserve me
I tried trying
You didn’t believe me

I get scared

Scared

Yes I am

A crap load amount

This is not the first time

And this won’t be the last time

Time comes and time goes

What is the correct logic, who knows? What to do

And what not to

Which way to choose

Whether I’ll win this gamble Or I’ll loose

When your memories leave marks on My face, creating that ever lasting scar

When you’ll just run off leaving sentimental door ajar

Memories fade

Memories made

But when

I don’t see you

Like I want to

I get scared

Give me a belt

I want to whip myself today

That I was unable to tell you

What I always wanted to convey

And now I see you whirling in a pool of quarrel, shouts and insecurities Surely, some vulnerabilities

I think I might be obsessed with you Stress is no longer a stress

When I am with you

I burp my dreams and lick my fears

Confused, sometimes I break in tears

A different taste

A different shade

But when I don’t see you

Like I want to

I get scared